I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
