I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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