I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
