ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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