Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
