why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize