true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
