Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
