that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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