i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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