As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
