So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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