Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Dicks are not precious.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
