I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
