Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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