You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
