You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
