My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
