he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
