my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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