we're chasing vodka with high fives
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
