so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
