So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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