I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
