He asked to "fluff my boner.."
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
