I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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