The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
someone owes me an orgasm
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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