everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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