No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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