You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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