So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
