Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
