Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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