youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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