Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize