i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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