Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
