And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
is wine microwaveable?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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