im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
