my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
