Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
