Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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