the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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