i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
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