After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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