Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
