Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
