i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
