And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
