dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
