Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
