bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
