Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
