"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
