hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
