no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
True strength comes from lack of pants
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
