im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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