Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
