Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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