Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
