textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
