just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
