sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
