I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
