Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
