it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
you had me at cake vodka
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
