If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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